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The chaos theory of Mongolia

I returned to Mongolia 15 years ago after an absence of 13 years, save for the occasional 2-week leave from work, and that time I spent a semester and a half at a local university drinking endless cups of brown, watery 150 Tugrik instant MaCcoffee at the cafĂ© strangely, or perhaps egotistically, named "In my memory", writing the first and so far the only book that got us into trouble with the local intelligence who apparently had little else to do than to pore through the ramblings of teenagers to catch the tell-tale signs of drug dealery. But I digress. When you visit a country for a short period, be it home or not, you hardly have time to immerse yourself in the spirit of the country and the city and feel the nitty gritty and dirty shiny of it all. So after 13 years, it took me a while to readjust and finally understand what the hometown of my childhood had become.  The most striking, ubiquitous, and inescapable feature was and still, unfortunately, is the traffic. In 2008,

Chinese-Type Mongolian

So I'm house-hunting, which means I have to talk to a bunch of strangers called agents, who want as much personal detail as possible. "What do you do? Where are you from?" etc. One of the real estate agents I called asked me where I was from and upon hearing "Mongolia", he asks knowingly "Ah, the China-type Mongolia"? And I yell down the phone, "No! It's a country!". He is confused. Then asks again, "But Chinese-type Mongolians, right?", to which I reply irritably "No, the Mongolian-type Mongolians. We're a race.". The level of ignorance is amazing. Obviously the conversation didn't go well from there on. I kinda lost interest in speaking to him and excused myself shortly. Chinese-type Mongolian... Whatever the hell that means. I'm the Cannibal-Type Mongolian and I eat people for a living. My mom is a European-Type Mongolian, coz she speaks Magyar, which is a major Hungarian language. So is my dad, who studied in Poland. My sis is Swiss-Type Mongolian. Sometimes I become a Drunk-Type Mongolian, and then enter the advanced stage of Passout-Type Mongolian.

So for the record, Mongol is a race. We have nothing to do with the Chinese. We eat the Chinese. You know the Mongolian BBQ you so enjoy? Well, that's a Chinese-Type Mongolian BBQ. Hope that clears everything up. Enjoy your dinner.

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